


Another Life

by Apriscottie, CameoAmalthea



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Post-Canon, Roxas is Ventus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 14:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7761295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apriscottie/pseuds/Apriscottie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CameoAmalthea/pseuds/CameoAmalthea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They said they'd meet again in the next life, but Axel didn't really think there'd be a next life back then at least not for him. He certainly never imagined that they'd meet again in an older life Lea thought was lost forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Life

The stone floor of the castle felt cold beneath Ven’s feet as he moved through the empty halls. It was still dark out, though he didn't know for sure if it was early morning or late at night. All he knew was he couldn't get back to sleep.

Ironic. Because maybe he'd slept enough for a lifetime.

This castle, now restored to its full glory, was the heart of The Land of Departure, and once it had been home. As safe and familiar as anything could ever be; that was a years ago now, in what seemed like another life, maybe it was another life. The world had seemed so bright then. Even at night the stars had shone in the sky so brilliantly that he  could play in the yard past midnight without a care. A safe, small world when all the hurt of the past was forgotten and he had no idea of all the pain the future held.

Now the castle seemed dark with shadows lurking on the edges of his vision. His heart pounded in his chest. The panic left over from his nightmare was still there, eating at him. Even now, Ven was only vaguely aware of his surroundings, his feet carrying him through echoes of memories as he paced on through the quiet halls head down and arms wrapped tight around himself.  

Not far from where Ven wandered the rest of the keyblade apprentices were still in bed.  Sora and the other heroes of light all slept soundly save for one: Lea. His red hair tangled along with the skewed nightshirt he wore; Ven wasn’t the only one having troubled dreams.

Lea had become quite the restless sleeper since being restored. No reason why. He was just always tossing and turning, and it always managed to wake him up. Maybe he had dreams, if he did he couldn’t remember, his mind fading them out before he could grasp what he’d seen. But the nightmares, oh, he remembered those. Thankfully tonight was not one of those days.

Giving up on his useless attempts to doze back off, Lea kicked away his covers and hopped out of bed, wincing as his feet hit the cold of the floor. Trying his best not to wake the others next door, he tiptoed outside, closing the door to his room with a small click.

Once he was outside, he breathed deeply, the night air was refreshing here, the halls more open than the dorm rooms. He was planning on going to the kitchens to eat, until he became acutely aware of a noise; the patting of feet echoing through the halls.

Lea wasn’t one to pass up the chance to investigate, carefully stepping to the entrance of the next hallway, he noticed a very familiar set of spikes meandering down the hall.

Catching his breath, he wondered if he should follow. He and Ven hadn’t spoken much since he awakened, not that it was the kids fault; It was just for him, Ven looked too much like Roxas. Master Yin Sid had explained that Roxas had taken Ventus’s form because Ven’s Heart had rested within Sora when he came to be.

That meant Roxas was made of borrowed bits of different people, Ven’s Heart, something from Sora, and since Ventus and Sora existed on their own, that meant Roxas gone for good.

Roxas. He hadn’t been like the other Nobodies, monsters who had been people and became people again. Lea didn’t know what Roxas was, but he knew he was gone, and seeing Ven was only a reminder of his grief.

Of course, that wasn’t fair to Ven; and who knew, maybe there was something left of Roxas there. Until now Lea had been too afraid to ask, too afraid to voice his hopes lest they be crushed  and snuffed out forever. Well maybe this was his chance to finally talk to him alone, without the anyone else hovering around.

Taking a breath for comfort, he decided to follow, see what was up. He was silent in his pursuit, slowly gaining on Ventus before falling into step beside him, making his presence known with a small ‘Hey"

The blond turned, startled, and summed a keyblade to his hand on reflex, jumping into a defensive position. Although he hadn’t aged without a heart, within Sora his heart had. Since awakening the blonde has grown more than a few inches, his hair tousled and longer at the back then Lea could ever remember. Even so, he still barely came to his shoulders.  

Lea sighed thoughtfully. "Relax, kid. Only me. You must be pretty out of it to let me catch up to you like that. Penny for your thoughts?"

Ventus glared for a moment, looking Lea up and down. As if deciding Lea wasn’t such a threat after all, he sighed, dismissing his weapon. "It's nothing," he said, turning away, "just had a bad dream." It was lucky it had been Lea who found him and not Riku. If it had been Riku he might have attacked him on instinct. The dream still clung to Ven’s mind, and it was hard to be sure what was real. That's what he hated most of all.

Lea nodded. "No penny then. But dreams can get kinda nasty. You sure you're alright?" Lea watched those familiar eyes dart from him to the floor. Damn, did he miss Roxas.

"I’m a bit too old to be scared of dreams. I can't go running to Aqua's bed anymore," He muttered, not that he had done that too often. He'd been eleven when he came here, and had grown out the habit of turning up at her bed in the middle of the night quickly enough.

Ven turned back towards the redhead, wondering if the sense of familiarity towards the taller boy came from his own memories of Lea in the garden with the frisbees and the smile, or-

Or from the dreams. The other memories of the life that was his and not his, another separate him.

"Never too old to be scared," Lea said with a sigh. "Trust me." He smiled down at Ven. "Besides, if it hadn't freaked you out, you wouldn't be up out here, now would you?" Lea didn't say it, but he had his fair share of nightmares from time to time. All about Isa and Roxas, how they met their ends, missing them. For a moment he let his thoughts wander, until Ven’s voice broke the silence.

"I dreamed I was back in Twilight Town. The fake Twilight Town, and nothing was real and everything was going to be ripped away again," Ven said, suddenly. "I feel like I've had my life ripped away, memories erased so many times. Sometimes I wake up and I don't know what's a dream and what is real and I'm terrified." He didn’t look Lea in the eye. Those dreams, of hazy days on a clock tower and shifting memories of black coats, and the taste of sea salt ice cream. Standing so close to Lea, they felt more vivid than ever.

Lea felt his heart jump, watching Ven in that moment, despite the number of times people had tried to explain that Roxas was there, in Ven,  he only then finally understood how deep that ran.

Eyes wide, Lea felt his heart jump to his throat, and soon they were beading with tears, he quickly turned away to hide his face. "Fuck..." It was a grumble. "Sorry." Even after so many months, his remade heart made it hard to hold back emotions. He cleared his throat. "I don't...I don't understand what that's like, Ventus." He couldn't drop that name. It was what he met the kid as. "But...I'm here for you. Alright? I’m sorry for being so distant." He had been afraid of this, of really acknowledging that Roxas was lost somewhere in Ven. But what good would ignoring it do? After wiping the tears away, he turned back to face the blond.

Without warning, Ven embraced him then, burying his face in Lea's night shirt. "Axel," the name slipped out without thinking of it. He just wanted something solid and real to cling to, and god Lea's skin was so warm. This was real. They were here. The Land of Departure. Home. Still, there were tears in his eyes that he couldn't hold back, even though he knew he'd get Lea's shirt wet if he didn't get ahold of himself.

Lea was shocked by the hug, his body tensing at the touch and the mention of a name he’d been trying to forget. But as he felt Ven’s sobs against him, he realised he wasn’t the only one holding in memories.

Hands shaking, Lea returned the embrace. This kid was as much Roxas as he was Ven and he wanted to be there for Roxas. The physical contact was strange, after all Roxas didn't often go around spreading hugs, maybe that part it was a Ven thing, but it was clear the kid needed a moment to unravel. So Lea held him and let him cry. Then slowly, Lea let his hand reach Ven's head, a reassuring pat reminiscent of another life, trying to comfort him. “You’re here now. Your safe. No one’s going to hurt you.”

“But the dream,” said Ven, “It was so real and my memories, those are real.” After a long moment, Ven pulled away. "I'm sorry," he said. He took a shaky breath,  still trembling. "Guess I really haven't had time to...to process everything. After I woke up there was so much to do. Battles to fight. And now...What's real and what's a dream? Who are you? And who am I, really?"

Was Lea even the person to ask? What did Lea know, what could he or anyone else know about what Ven felt? No one would understand. How could anyone even imagine what it was like to have your heart ripped in half and each piece reformed, separate, with parts that weren't yours to begin with...And then to have it smashed together, shattered and damaged and later lost...cast out, a distant fragment of you taking shape and being given another name altogether. Roxas. His Heart. Ventus, his name now and before, his true name. Ventus was the name of the life he couldn't remember from before, all the answers Roxas had wanted he had now. Every member had been restored with his Heart, but he still felt so lost.

Lea watched Ven silently and pursed his lips. "Well... I'm Lea. I know that much. And...if more than one person is experiencing it, it's gotta be real, right? We're both here, right now, talking. The war is over and you...well you seem to be the center of chaos in a way. There's so much about you that's so difficult to understand, but you take it all in stride. I don't know who you are. Sometimes I wish you were Roxas, my Roxas, because I miss him. Other days I realize he's always been here. I think...from what I've been able to observe...you're neither."

"You're Roxas?" Ven asked, cocking his head to the side and giving that innocent, lost look that Roxas always gave when Axel had to explain things for the first time. Making sense of things that made no sense.

Lea nodded, ruffling his hair awkwardly and smiling at Ven. "Yeah, my Roxas. The one from during our days in the Organization.. my best friend." He noticed the confusion in Ven's face and his grin widened, eyes finding the floor as memories from another time came to him "Like that. He- you..." He sighed. "Roxas would always give me that look whenever I confused him.”

"Are you Axel then too? What was it like for you, being someone else? I remember when we met, Lea. Not as Axel and Roxas, I mean as real kids. You with your frisbees and that outfit with the scarf. You were so bright. So that was you with a Heart and Axel, that's you without one?"

“I'm not Axel,” he said, his voice harder than he meant for it to be. He sighed, and continued. “Not anymore. I guess he was me without a Heart, but he was more of an identity I thought I had to maintain. He's...not someone I like to hold onto."

"Axel," said Ven, closing his eyes. "Roxas’ best friend." Liar. Heartless. Kind. Desperate to protect him. Desperate to keep him.

He glanced up at Lea, the taller boy still watching him through a guarded expression. "It wasn't like that for me. I had feelings. Always, I think. As far back as I can remember.”

Lea bit his lip, daring to push the issue. “What do you remember?”

Ven shut his eyes, as if letting a memory take him. “When I thought Axel had been destroyed in Castle Oblivion, that he wasn't coming back...I sat up on the Clock Tower for days and it felt like  the bottom had dropped out of my insides, like nothing could be right again. Then he came back and I was so happy. I'd been so worried, and he looked at me like I was crazy. I don't think he...I don't think any of the other Nobodies could understand what it meant to worry or grieve or what relief meant. I didn’t have words for those things since no one in the Organization ever explained it, but that’s what I felt then. I was different than other Nobodies.

Axel was just memories of Lea, of you the person you had been, but without a Heart. Then me, I was a Heart without memories of Ven or any idea what to make of anything. Now I can remember everything, but I feel like my memories are scattered beads from a broken necklace, and I have them all, but sometimes it's hard how to figure out how they fit, like the chain was broken so many times, and now I have to figure out how it links together.

Sometimes it feels like memories from three totally different lives. The me from before any of this, before Xehanort did what he did to me and the me after that, the light half of my heart who called himself Ven, and then the me after I went to Sora; the heart with bits of me and him and my own darkness that you called Roxas. And now... now I'm all those  things." Ven opened his eyes, meeting Lea’s worried gaze. “I’m like a puzzle that’s been put together put the picture still feels incomplete...like the pieces aren’t even the same picture.”

Lea smiled sadly. "Yup, more of a mess than any of us," He sighed "But, by taking all those little bits of your identity, and putting them together, you're none of it at all either. Greater than the sum of your parts, so to speak.” He shook his head, not really sure what he could say that would be of any use. “Listen, it doesn't do well to dwell on the past, believe me. I've done enough of it. All you can really do is work with what you have now.

So, even though Xehanort fucked up a lot of shit. He's gone now and we can't really change any of it. You're not Ventus and you're not Roxas. You're all their experiences wrapped up into one. Something even more." He looked down at Ven, realising that really, they’d been friends in every one of Lea’s lifetimes. Before he lost his heart, as Axel, so why not be friends again now. Lea looked away, feeling his heart threaten tears again. "And I'm glad to know you."

The young man smiled at him. "I'm glad too," he said, " Glad to have you. You're...I know you're not Axel...that you want to put that behind you. But, you're the only one who knew me then as Ven and knew me as Roxas too. You know all of me and since we're both here, now, you can get to know this me too, and we figure out what's real together."

Lea smiled at Ven, it was like the kid could read his mind. "Yeah. And...you're the only one left who knew me as I was before I became Axel. So, I guess we're the only ones who truly know each other. We can figure this clusterfuck out together. Sounds like a plan!" He grinned, and Ventus followed, soon laughing at each other. The two of them standing in the quiet hallway, realising they weren't as alone as they’d thought.  

"Can I ask you something?" Ven said, smile still resting on his face. Though as soon as the words left his mouth he realized he'd already asked a question. "I had a dream...before I woke up as Ven again. I think it was when I was still in Sora, different parts of me anyway. I think the part that was Roxas met you at the clocktower. We had ice-cream and talked. Was that real? I mean.. it couldn't have been, Axel was gone. I saw him fade, trapped watching through Sora's eyes."

“You...you were aware, inside of Sora?” asked Lea.

“Trapped, and raging every moment,” said Ven. He looked away, and wrapped his arms around himself again. “Forget I said anything. I don’t want-”

“I saw you at the clock tower,” Lea cut it. He shivered at the memory of his nobodies demise, a moment that still haunted his dreams. Yet so did that clocktower, something he knew couldn’t be real but had shifted into his memories more than once "So you had that dream too, huh? Go figure." He had been wondering about it, but was never certain if asking Ven would get him any concrete answers. For the longest time, he was unsure if Ven would even have Roxas's memories. So what would be the point? "I'm not sure if 'real' is the right word to describe it. I know I had that dream, right before waking up as Lea again. I think the better question to ask would be 'Did it happen?' I think it did."

"But how?” said Ven.

“I don’t know,” said Lea, “I wasn’t even sure it _did_ happen until you told me you were there too.”

“Powerful magic can happen when Hearts connect,” said Ven, “I know that more than anyone.”

“Hearts connect?” asked Lea.

“Yeah, that reminds me,” Ven broke into a grin, voice suddenly light and eager. “Can I show you something?"

Lea cracked a small grin and nodded. "Sure, what is it?"

"Come with me," he said, grabbing Lea's hand and tugging him along, which was sort of unnecessary since Lea had longer legs that him and would have no problem keeping up.

Lea grinned wider then, chuckling as he took after Ven, following close behind him as he led the way to whatever it was he wanted to show him. "Where are we going?" he laughed.

"Sparring grounds," said Ven. "Try to keep up." When they reached the stars he let go of Lea's hand and let into the air, gliding down the stairs rather than walking.

Lea snickered and followed suit, quickly catching up with Ven in the air and overtaking him. "Keep up, Ven!" he called back, spinning mid air and jumping ahead with a puff of fire and smoke. Lea’s ability to flicker forward with his fire magic never did seem fair.

Ven dropped, switching to flow motion to glide along the banister's at rapid speed. He'd always been the fastest, and he wasn't going to let the fact Lea was taller than him change that. Besides, he was born to skate, and had spent hours practicing flow motion with Sora just for the fun of it. If Aqua caught them doing this inside the castle she'd throw a fit, but he didn't care. This was fun.

When they reached the sparring grounds, Ven had won, spinning on the spot with a shout of glee "Hah! Out of breath yet?"

Lea came sliding down banisters and leaping from walls just as fast as Ven, landing beside him with a defeated pout and a face red from exertion "I woulda won, just thought I’d better go easy on ya."

Ven laughed, there was something like deja vu about the way Lea grinned down at him, “Right” he responded with a sarcastic eye roll.

Lea shoved at Ven's shoulders with a grin. "I'm not exactly as out of shape as I was when we were kids. You know." He pouted with crossed arms.

Ven laughed. "Speaking of that," he said, "This is what I wanted to show you. I got this after we met." Ven summoned a red key blade to his hand, obviously based on the design of Lea's old Frisbees. "When you make a friend, that connection touches your Heart. It's your Heart meeting, and from that bond a new keyblade comes to be."

Lea's eyes went wide at the keyblade. "Whoa." He grinned and summoned his own, comparing the two. "Heh, guess I'm kinda predictable. Huh?"

"Well, it's your Heart," said Ven. "They kind of match huh? Yours is...pointier and more realistic flames. Still, I like this one. It's well balanced." He waved it around, then threw it at a target, using fire raid as he did before catching it with ease.  Ven dismissed the key blade, then summoned a different one, this one based on Axel's chakrams. "Did Sora ever show you this? He got after Axel, after you saved us." He held it the manner Roxas had held his, the normal way. A side effect of Sora's influence and his time as Roxas, he could wield in whatever manner he chose and share some Keyblade forms with Sora. "We were sharing our Hearts at the time so I can summon it too."

Lea’s eyes went wide when Ven summoned Bond of Flame. "No...he didn't. Wow... Does he get these things from everyone he meets or am I just special?"

"Um...I think it's kind of everybody," said Ven. "Well everyone he makes friends with, and that's almost everyone. It's Sora. This one is...me." He summoned Two become one, a beautiful sword like keyblade adorned with checkers and the Nobody symbol, along with Roxas's charm. "Or Roxas anyway. But hey, don't feel bad. You made quite the impression on him. I think it shocked him. Everyone had said Nobodies were awful, monsters without Hearts.”

“He wasn’t entirely wrong” Lea broke in with a sigh, pouting again.

“Well…” Thought Ven, spinning the keyblade nonchalantly “My rage didn't help. Sora absorbed me,well Roxas, but I didn't go quietly. I was so angry at what had happened, at the Organization for lying to me, using me, for...I don't even remember what else I was angry about- but there so much hatred."

More than he could have ever felt as the broken Ven, the Ven before he was now. That part of him was with Vanitas - his darkness, his anger and sorrow and pain. Being Roxas, being himself again, Ventus but broken and regrowing, healing through a year of discovery and more sorrow. "So Sora didn't have the best opinion of Nobodies, but Axel saved his life and that...that was incredible. And what you said, you were trying to see your friend." He'd slipped into second person pronouns again. "Your motivations were so human. He forgave you at once and maybe questioned a bit...questioned everything he'd thought, and he felt me, I think. I…” Ven paused, the memory of the clocktower and a single tear from a fading heart flicked through his mind’s eye. “Roxas loved Axel, even after everything. I mean, there was anger, hurt, but you can't really turn off loving someone even when they do bad things. And I was so mad. I attacked Sora, you know."

Lea could feel his face going red, though not from the race. Love, huh? With a heart, things like that held a lot more weight than it used to. He let the idea settle before replying "So I've heard," he said. Sora has told him all about the times he’d met Roxas in dreams and in memories, like hearing about his old friend would comfort him. "That's where Sora got this." He tapped the keyblade. "I think he got a better understanding of you after that fight. Though he had no idea who you were at the time, he's talked about that fight a lot. Putting those pieces together made him understand you and your anger at the time."

Ven laughed, "Leave it to Sora to form a bond with someone trying to kick his ass. I don't know who I was angrier at  him- or you." He paused, feeling a pang in his heart. He already knew the answer to that. Trying to keep his voice steady, he went on; there'd been enough crying for one night. "All that time I was trapped inside, watching through his eyes, carried along, unable to move or speak and I'd given up on fighting. But then you went and got yourself killed, and for Sora!” All the anger, all the things he'd never gotten a chance to say, came pouring out at once. “He took everything from me, and then even you cared more about him. Cause you'd never be that selfless with me. You couldn't even be honest with me, but for Sora, because he's the special one, you'd die."

Lea listened, frowning as Ven called him out on his mistakes. He didn't say anything against it though. He was right. He'd fucked up. Done things to hurt Roxas and never apologized. Then he'd gone and helped the guy who was responsible for taking him away in the first place. He watched Ven then, waiting and gauging his anger. What could he say? What good would it do?

"What was it about Sora, anyway?" asked Ven. "Why him? Why not me?" He didn't sound angry now, more hurt than anything.

Lea looked away, pursing his lips. "I-" He groaned, trying to come up with the words. "Ever since Sora woke up, I'd been trying desperately to bring you back. I used Kairi against him to hopefully trap him and turn him into a Heartless again so I could get you back. I don't know why I'd stopped. At one point, Kairi managed to get away from me and get caught by Saix and he and I had a fight... Somewhere during all that...I don't know. I gave up. I got tired of fighting. I didn't have in me the hatred that you did, the need that you did. The only need I had...was to see you again and by that point...well letting myself fade seemed like the easy way to do it. Figured, why not do some good, give the Organization another blow while I'm at it."

"So it wasn't even for him," asked Ven, laughing now despite himself. "All this time I thought Sora was just. I don't know. The most loveable person ever. And that somehow he got even you to care more, in five seconds of cooperation than a year with me. And you...you really wanted to die just because you thought I had?" All this time he thought Axel hadn't cared, not really, but in the end maybe he was all that had mattered to Axel anymore.

Lea chuckled morbidly and shook his head. "I mean, it was Sora I helped as opposed to anyone else, but yeah. I'd just...given up trying to do what seemed impossible and instead did what would be--in my mind at the time--the next best thing."

"I wasn't gone, you know," said Roxas, "I was right there. Watching you fade and I couldn't even say anything. But I guess it worked out in the end. You saved me. Even if you didn't realize it then. You gave your life for me just as much as Sora, even if you didn't mean to be selfless it's still cause of that I'm here now with you."

Lea chuckled. "Well I realize that now." He scratched at the back of his head. "And yeah, I guess so. But I doubt Sora would've gotten hurt. I'm willing to bet Riku was probably watching and knew I'd swoop in. If I hadn't, he'd've been there and if not, well Sora usually knows when to run away. You'd have been fine."

"I don't know about that," said Ven. "No idea where Riku was at that moment but I doubt he'd have made it in time. There were too many dusks and nowhere to run. You put everything into that attack. I don't think we'd have survived without you. Why so against taking credit. Is it so hard to believe you could do something good, Mr. Dark Rescue?"

Lea blushed and looked away, shaking his head. He was going to regret calling himself that. "I guess, yeah. Call it being humble. Don't wanna take all the credit." He slugged Ven's arm.

"Hey, I'm being serious," said Ven. "I...I know was harsh a second ago. I guess I...was  bit jealous...But I don't want you to think you never did anything good. Back inside, when I called you Axel you stiffened. You weren't all bad, you know."

Lea sighed and nodded. "You noticed that, huh?" He shook his head. "I guess, as Axel...I'd done so many bad things, been such a genuinely terrible person, well it gets to you once you've had a change of heart. Because I was pretty terrible. I'd...killed people, been pretty fucking merciless too, lead to the destruction of others, our comrades at that. I rarely hesitated when given an order. It's not something you think you can come back from."

"You didn't have a Heart," Ven pointed out. "You couldn't feel any more than I could remember. I - I know what you were...you nearly put an end to me in Twilight Town. And I was someone you liked...I'd hate to...see how it was for the ones you didn't care for. So everyone at Castle Oblivion? Did you...did Axel eliminate them?" Did he know. Had Sora known? They'd been separate for that so Ven had no idea.

"Vexen," Lea sighed. "And...well I arranged things so that the others were killed without me having to get my hands dirty but it was still on me. I'd fought Marluxia just before Sora showed up. Had planned on destroying him. Probably would've had to go through Namine to do it and would have if it hadn’t been for Sora.”

"Namine," said Ven, that shocked him more than the others. Yes, Vexen and Zexion were their comrades and Lea had known since childhood but somehow it was harder to be sympathetic to them. Perhaps seeing them as doomed as it were since Sora had destroyed everyone else, but Namine...And if she had died she wouldn't have come back. She wasn't like the rest of them. She wasn't like anyone else, and what would that have done to Kairi's heart?

Lea nodded. "I would've done it too, if it weren't for Sora stepping in. He'd gone through that entire castle, had his memories fucked with for so long he could barely remember his own childhood, and he stepped in to protect her. We fought and I pretended to fade away."

"I...I can't believe anyone would hurt her," but a lot of people had it seemed. He remember Diz. "But I guess that's what it means to be heartless. It could be worse, Diz was awful to her and he had a Heart the whole time." Ven still hadn't forgiven him. Even if "Ansem" the Wise had helped Sora save the world and played a role in saving everyone now. Roxas's hatred for him ran deep and it wasn't easy to let go or forgiven.

Hell, Ven still wasn't completely at ease around Riku, and the only reason could be was probably thanks to Sora. Being in Sora's Heart for so long, soaking in all those warm feelings probably rubbed off on him. Axel...well, it was easier to forgive him. He had a reason for being a monster, he had no Heart, and if anything sort of excused being evil it was that...Besides, Axel had never hurt him that bad. Oh he'd been a shitty friend. He'd lied to him. Kept everything from him. But it wasn't like with Riku or Diz. It wasn't abuse so much as a failure to be good. A failure to reciprocate how much Roxas had cared for him.

“Other people being worse doesn’t make me a good person,” Lea said with a shrug.

"Well, Ienzo and Even don't seem to hold a grudge."

Lea shook his head. "Not sure they have any right to. Even though it was all part of Xehanort's plans, they were a large part of why the Organization was started. Ienzo pressed Ansem to begin the studies of the Heart and Even was the lead scientist. All of the apprentices were in on it."

"I guess they have their own things to feel guilty for," Ven suggested, "and they had Hearts then and still made mistakes. I guess my point is...what you did as Axel. The bad things. You wouldn’t have done it if you had a heart, and it wasn’t your fault you became a Nobody.”

“Yeah...but...we did grow hearts, eventually. I think mine was because of you."

“Because of me?” he asked.

“When I was around you, after awhile, I started to feel like I had a Heart. The Heart can regrow, but that can be suppressed or nurtured. Maybe just by being my friend you nurtured something in me. Something I thought was gone forever. But I never loved you. I never cared. Not enough to tell you the truth or look out for what was best for you.”

“No,” said Ventus, “You didn’t...but even in the beginning when you didn’t have any Heart whatsoever and probably didn’t care at all you were...you were always kind to me.”

“Going through the motions of being human,” Lea shrugged. “Taking the lost sad looking kid for ice cream is the sort of thing Lea would have done. Then after awhile I started actually liking it. I just wish-”

“There’s no avoiding what’s already happened,” said Ven. “Maybe it’s best if we both let it go. You didn't really care, not enough...not like a real friend would but you were still the best friend I ever had. I forgive you." He gave him a small smile. "But there is one thing... even now I don't know what you really wanted from me or what you were planning to do with me exactly. Was there some scheme?"

"You mean when I found you wandering the hall just now or as Axel?" Lea asked.

"As Axel," said Ven. "In the hall I assumed I woke you up or something. I'm not afraid of you Lea. Come on, we've been friends since forever ago. You have a knack for turning up when I'm down." He grinned then, pure sunshine, pure Ven. "When I was Roxas Everyone in the Organization wanted to manipulate and use me...Well Demyx just wanted to use me but at least he was honest about it. But you...what did you get out of it? All those sunsets.Doing everything you could to keep me around. Was it really just cause you liked me?"

Lea chuckled. "Well...yeah...What can I say? I guess you grew on me." He scratched the back of his head and looked up at the stars.

"So all the lies and secrets. All you wanted was to keep me around cause you enjoyed my company. No ulterior motives. Power of the key blade and all that."

Lea smiled as Ven forgave him, nodding to reassure him. "Yeah. Never thought about the Keyblade really. Just...wanted to keep you around, keep you safe, in my twisted perception of the idea of 'safe.' That's all I'd hoped to get out of lying to you."

"You know, if you'd said Sora is monster that wants to eat you and if you go looking for him his psycho friend will feed you too him,  that might have worked better," said Ven. "You know just say, ‘hey Roxas? You know the Leach Grave, he's like that - don't go near him.’" Ventus laughed a bit shaking his head.

Lea found himself laughing too. “Guess that might have worked,” he said, “but actually I couldn’t. I’m a terrible liar. The only way I ever got away with it, even as Axel, was saying as little as possible and letting everyone assume what I wanted them to…Also not having a Heart made things easier but I cared about you with whatever small bit of me started to regrow. I could hardly look you in the eye as it was...”

“I guess comparing Sora to a Leach Grave is a pretty tall tale to spin,” Ven admitted, laughter settling down. “You knew Sora didn't you? Did you really think was just his Nobody. We looking nothing alike. We're so different. I mean some things in common since our Hearts are so close but I was never him the way you were Lea."

"Yeah, I knew," Lea said with a nod. "I met Roxas before I ever knew who Sora was, but when I met him, I knew you were different. They said you were his Nobody, but I just didn’t see it. Your names, your faces, the way you hold the Keyblade. Besides, how could one guy be in two places at once?”

“So what did you think I was?”

“No idea,” said Axel. “But at one point I went to watch Namine work on restoring his memories. She explained that Sora needed you to be whole again and I think it clicked. Unlike the rest of us, who's hearts became a Heartless, his became the likeness of himself."

"So you're saying he was the Heartless except not?" asked Ven, once again giving the confused puppy look. "I still don't understand half of what happened. What I was and Namine...I wish she could be her own person too. We made a promise to stick together. Me with Sora and her with Kairi, but...that didn't happen. And then there's someone else or Sora says so. Someone I think we knew but I don't remember. I just feel something's missing. Even now after everything."

Lea shook his head and shrugged. "I'm not sure. I've noticed it too though. Something missing. The girl Sora saw in his dream, that looked like Namine and Kairi but with black hair. Riku says he saw her too, when he went to wake Sora up. Sometimes, I feel like if I saw her, I'd know her, but...I just can't bring her to mind off of memory alone."

"We'll talk to Even and Ienzo, if anyone knows the secrets of the Heart it's them. But I must confess, after everything that's happened. It's kind of frightening to go looking."

"Yeah? What do you mean?"

"Just all this trouble was caused by their experiments," said Ven, "finding out the truth means more questions about the Heart. I just don't want anything else to happen to my Heart or to Sora, or Kairi either."

Lea nodded. "Yeah, me neither. But...well we maybe the answers we want aren't too deep. Even records every little detail. There's bound to be something in his notes."

"Yeah, and we'll all be there to make sure nothing bad will happen" said Ven.

Lea nodded. “Yup,” he said, “There’s no way I’m losing you again. We’ve had enough goodbyes.”

Ven stared out over the star filled horizon and thought of a different vista far away; a golden city bathed in the glow of sunset. “When we said goodbye at the clocktower. I think I know what happened. Axel was destroyed, but your Heart wasn't. So it met with mine.”

“Hmm,” mused Lea, “I guess if I was regrowing mine, maybe by then I had a Heart. A full regrown Heart.”

"Well, even if you wanted to let yourself fade, you did die saving Sora. That seems like that was a pretty ‘Lea’ thing to do, huh?” Ven smiled up at Lea, even in his brief memories of his friend as a kid, Axel’s last moments echoed something more of the reckless teen in Radiant Garden then it did the ruthless assassin of Organisation 13.

“Well, being around him made me feel the same way I felt around you. I guess since you were there, maybe part of me. My Heart knew I had to save you, even if I didn’t really know why I did what I did at the time other than the thought that once I died I wouldn’t have to miss you anymore.”

“And we were together,” said Ven. “After everything. You were gone and I was fading into Sora. Going back to sleep. But we still found each other. Maybe the connection of our Hearts is just that strong. I know my Heart's always been connected to Sora, ever since he was born. His Light called to me, saved me. And I know  that every friend I have is part of me, their Hearts are a part of me and I’m a part of their Hearts too. And us, we're best friends. So even losing our physical shape couldn't keep us apart, huh?" He smiled then. "Guess we kept our promise."

“Yeah." Lea smiled, and although he could feel tears streaming down his cheeks, this time he didn’t turn away, instead pulling Ven into a side-armed hug. "I guess we did."

He couldn't for the life of him remember actually making the promise, to get Roxas back--to get his friends back--he knew it was there all the same. "You're right- I think I'd grown a heart. I often told myself it was less helping Sora and more wanting to see you again. I got low and thought there was no way out. And I suppose that was part of it. But now I'm sure it's cuz my Heart couldn’t bare to see him get hurt because it somehow knew you were there too."

"Well, you said I made you feel like you had a Heart,” said Ventus "Maybe it’s because I shared my Heart with you and helped yours grow, just like Sora helped me. I don't know much about magic, that was always Aqua's thing, but when we said we'd meet again in the next life, I never thought it'd be possible. I was sure I was going disappear."

He'd felt like a lamb going to the slaughter, like Sora, that peaceful sleeping boy, really was a monster who'd swallow him whole and destroy every bit of him. Instead Sora was the nicest person he'd ever met, assuring him that he deserved to be his own person even when he'd begun to doubt his existence. Then Sora had carried his Heart home to his real body. "But I didn't disappear and you didn't either. We became friends as Ven and Lea, then even after we both lost our Hearts, we found each other as nobodies, and again at the Clocktower after Roxas and Axel were long gone we still found each other and now...we’ve met in next life again. Everylife time we manage to find each other.”

“Like magic,” said Lea.

“Well,” said Ven stifling a yawn. “I think friendship is the most powerful magic there is."

“Getting sleepy?” asked Lea. “It’s pretty late. Think you’re ok to go back to bed?”

“Yeah,” said Ven, “I’m doing much better...but um...can...would....never mind it's stupid."

Lea smiled when Ven yawned, nodding in agreement. "What is it?" His brows pulled low.

"Do you mind if I slept with you tonight?" he said. "I'd feel better if I weren't alone. I get it if that's weird." He probably sounded like a total baby. It was bad enough that Lea kept calling him kid and clearly still thought of Roxas as way younger. Ven didn't see it like that, he might have missed a few years or a decade napping but they were still the same age.

Lea smiled and nodded. "Sure thing, Ven. We all get scared sometimes. C'mon." He wrapped an arm around Vens' shoulders and lead him back towards the castle.

  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an RP I did with Axel_Sinclair a few months ago. When I started on ADHD medication one of the side effects was really vivid dreams that felt real enough to leave me shaken no matter how silly the dream. One night I woke up after a nightmare about Roxas in Twilight Town and it left me really shaken and I couldn't get back to sleep. Since Axel_Sinclair was up I asked if she'd be willing to rp something comforting with me. A scenario where Roxas had a home all along and just couldn't remember it. A happy ending where Roxas gets to remember being his own person and gets to have his friends.


End file.
